Grandma Iva, Circa 1938, Detroit

Dear Max,

Age is just a number. One thing that I am most passionate about is ageism. Every day people are denied what they want simply because of their age. It has nothing to do with their ability or knowledge, and everything to do with how young or old they are.

You’re never too old.

At 86 my Grandma Iva was racing my band mates in her GT. At 89 she told me she hated old people – true story – saying that they forgot what living was about. She was spunky. She made best friends with people half her age in her late 80s. Her last 5 days on earth, she ate nothing but strawberry shortcake and Pepsi. No matter what stage she was at in life, she had to drive to do everything se wanted. She didn’t let stereotypes stand in her way.

By about 40 my dad had to change industries according to doctors orders in a time when people worked in the same job for 30 plus years. He succeeded transitioning from music and cars to being an insurance claims supervisor. At 41 he started over and married my mom. At 42, they had me [my mom is 13 years younger than my dad].

On the flip side – you’re never too young.

While living in Detroit my dad was sent to pick up things like bread at the store at the age of 5. He went to the movies by himself and watched double features by 6. By 8 he worked on a Christmas tree lot helping load cars. By 9 he took two sets of Detroit street cars to clarinet lessons. When I was 4 years old I was able to go to the corner store by myself and pick up my favorite thing to eat – red Swedish fish. At 10 I started mowing lawns to make my own money and worked my way up to 7 properties. At 14 I started my own band with a few buddies and by 15 we were closing bars on school nights. At 24 I married the love of my life, bought a house and finished my masters degree.

You are never too young or too old to do anything. Don’t let yourself ever think any different – no matter what they say.

Love,
Daddy

Dear Max,

You may have heard the old adage, if you have a problem attack it head on. Well, that’s not entirely true. Many problems, if you attack them head on, turn out the same old way or they completely blow up. Success, in any situation, lies in the angles.

What do I mean by that? Well, every situation has multiple ways of approaching it. To find an angle you need to find a small piece of the larger issue and chip away at it. Keep working at this small piece and eventually it will open new doors.

Think about it this way: If the front porch of the house is burning, wouldn’t you have more luck using the side door?

Love,

Dad

You at Big Boy – 7 months old.

Dear Max,

From beginning to end the only thing that matters is family and relationships. Nothing explains that more than in the last 7 months. Your mom and I have completely changed our lives to take care of you, to give you all the things you need and more. Our family has suffered heartache and experienced great joy. We’ve been happy, scared, blessed and stressed.

When you’re sick, we’ll take care of you. When you’re happy we’ll laugh with you. When you’re sad, we’ll pick you up. When you have nowhere to turn, you always have home. No matter what happens in life, you always have your family.

Your mom and I have created a new best friend for our family – that’s you! And, I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend.

Love,

Dad

Drawing by Uncle Frank, Circa 2002

Dear Max,

Be your own man. Do your own thing and make your own decisions. Be honest to yourself with who you are and be comfortable in knowing who you are.

It is easy to say but hard to do. So many people just cannot do it. They don’t know what being their own person means. They blindly follow what’s happening at school, at work, on social media, on TV and a thousand other places. They unknowingly train themselves to think they’re making their own choices. The reality is they’re not.

Throughout my entire life I stayed true to myself. Some people never understood it, and to them I was crazy. I embraced the crazy. If a cool hairstyle, good music and an open mind is crazy, I don’t want to be sane.

Love,

Daddy

Jess and I on a dinner cruise off the coast of Honolulu.

Dear Max,

Hawai’i. It’s a place like no other on earth. Your mother and I went for our honeymoon in 2010. Its a true experience. When you are on one of the islands a feeling overwhelms you of relaxation and happiness.

This feeling continues throughout. Everyone is laid back.  Many Hawaiians laugh at mainlanders when they first arrive because folks will get upset if something or someone is more than ten minutes late. We quickly realized we didn’t need our cell phones or wristwatches, it was time to take it easy.

After this realization we ate a whole lot of food – in true Hawaiian fashion. Your mom had a few too many tropical drinks like the Hawaiian itch and the blue Hawaii. We swam with dolphins, surfed, hiked to a waterfall, visited the pineapple plantation and slept. It was amazing.

Hawaii taught your mom and I something great – the aloha spirit. Its a feeling of love, enjoying life and taking your time. Even now, at home, when we’re feeling like the world is getting to us too much we turn on a CD we picked up from Honolulu by Iz Kamakawiwo’ole. It takes us back and rejuvenates us with the aloha spirit. And, we just smile.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Max,

When people today run into people they don’t like they tend to count them out. People are avoided, yelled at, not included, degraded and the list goes on. Its comes to a point where when somebody knocks on your door or asks you a question in public, you question their motives.

Yesterday, I pulled my car into the garage, got out and a man was waiting for me. He was an older African-American man with tattered gloves and a clipboard. I couldn’t help but think how many people probably closed the door on him today so I listened. I found out he played trumpet for David Ruffin – THE David Ruffin. To me there are few singers better than Ruffin. He had my attention. He was selling his album to raise money for his sister’s charity. Needless to say, I bought the CD.

JD Wilkerson certainly didn’t expect me to buy the album – and he told me that. I know by the demographic of our neighborhood that I am the youngest homeowner he happened upon. But, I appreciate music and I appreciate people for who they are.

Somewhere, there is somebody in the world that does not like you. No matter how hard you try you will never be on their list of people they like. Many times for no reason. You will wish they appreciated you. You will wish they took the time to listen. Some people just need a smile, a little respect and a handshake.

Just remember: There’s room for all kinds of people in this world.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Max,

Ever since I was a young boy my Dad told me “Pay yourself first.” It took a while for me to understand. Here is what I have derived so far:

• Start saving money as soon as possible
• Start a retirement fund such as a Roth IRA or 401K from your first ‘real’ paycheck – even if you think you can’t afford to do so
• Save a regular amount from each paycheck and consider the money untouchable for now
• If you’ve been working non-stop, take a break
• if you have an influx of money and there is something you really want, buy it for yourself and enjoy it
• Understand the monetary value of your time, and know when to hire someone vs. when to do it yourself
• Do what you really love, because you deserve it

Hope this helps.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

By the time you actually get around to reading and understanding these letters I’m sure I won’t even recognize the world from the point where we are at today. The difference between my childhood and yours is that I will have remembered a time when we didn’t use cell phones.

My family didn’t have a computer in our house until I was 11. I didn’t have a cell phone until I graduated from high school. I didn’t have a laptop until college. I didn’t have a smart phone until I got my first college degree. I tell you this to tell you something else.

I remember what its like to be not connected. You most likely will not. It is really important to know that as much as technology changes, we, as people, are still the same. We need human interaction. We need quiet time. We need to enjoy life outside of Facebook.

Find a hammock. Find a tree swing. Take a walk. Go on vacation and disconnect. Put your phone away during dinner. Whatever you do, find time to enjoy being you and know when to turn technology off.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

Listening is one of the most important qualities a true leader can possess. One thing I’ve noticed throughout my professional career is people generally have something in their mind they want to say. They are forming their opinion and ready to jump when whomever is currently talking takes a breath.

This goes on until the end of the meeting and few decisions are rarely made.

The best way to move forward is to listen to the opinions of each of the individuals. Absorb each point they have to say. Then speak. You can accomplish more in fewer words.

Love, Daddy

PS: President Lincoln gave his most famous Gettysburg Address in 3 minutes with under 300 words. This was a part of the Gettysburg Address labeled ‘remarks.’ Edward Everett gave the actual Gettysburg Address at 2 hours in length, though no one remembers it.

Dear Max,

We all fall into patterns in life. Every day is more of the same. We fight wanting to wake up some days because we know exactly what will happen, everyday. We don’t always realize it but we are the ones at fault.

We are the ones the eat the same meals every week or go to the same place on Friday night. We are the ones that complete the same tasks and watch the same television programs.

The problem with being this kind of person is we get stuck in our own little worlds and eventually stop learning. When that happens, you are really in a bad spot. American poet and musician Tuli Kupferberg once said:

“When patterns are broken, new worlds can emerge.”

Break the patterns. Learn and explore new worlds. It’s an exciting feeling.

Love,

Daddy