Me, surfing at Waikiki Beach, September 2010

Dear Max,

I learned how to surf on our honeymoon on the beach where surfing was invented. Kings of the Hawaiian royal families surfed for centuries at Waikiki Beach. Without knowing it, I learned something valuable.

The actual surfing portion of being in the water only lasts for a matter of seconds, no more than a minute. The rest of the time you spend paddling out to the right spot in the water, waiting for the right wave and waiting your turn in the line of surfers.

The paddling portion is rough after the first time or two. Your arms literally feel like they’re going to fall off. Finding the right wave is tough because you have to spend time reading the water and knowing the right moment to react. The waiting is tough too because the wave may look just right but its not quite your turn yet. Then, you hope when it is your turn you don’t fall off or miss the wave completely.

Surfing is a metaphor for opportunity in life. You have to put in the hard work of paddling and knowing how to balance the board. You have to love it and practice it so much that you inherently know exactly when to react.

Surfers don’t just jump on the board and take on a 40-foot wave. They spend years mastering their craft before they are even accepted by other surfers. Practice what you love. Do it repeatedly until you are the best. Then, ride your 40-foot wave.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

There are too many times where I’ve gone to do something and thought to myself, “I really should leave my best for last.”

There’s one big problem with that – if you don’t start with your best, there may never be a last. And, if there is, you will have bored your audience into submission.

Give them your best performance first, every time – no matter who the audience is.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Max,

Life is too short to be mad at someone for too long. We spend so much time focusing on negativity and drama from other people that we fail to see much of anything else. Your mom had to remind me of this about a month ago. Just let it go. Forgiveness is something that we all need to spend more time practicing.

Forgive.

Forget.

Move forward.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Max,

When you promise and when you make plans, follow through. If you tell someone you’re going to do something, just do it. Don’t wait or put it off. And, certainly never go back on your word.

A gentleman always follows through on his word.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

There are two schools of thought when it comes to learning. One is to take as many notes as possible to remember what was said. The other is to listen and absorb the material.

When I was in school early on I used to try to write everything down. It was tough and time-consuming. Not only did I have to go back and re-read much of my notes multiple times, it was hard to retain the information. Then, one day a professor mentioned to me that only what he talks about in class will be on the test. It dawned on me that as long as I pay attention, I can succeed.

After that I barely took notes and only skimmed my text books. Learning by paying attention and asking more questions was much more valuable to me. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take any notes, as its hard to remember specific action items all the time. I’m just saying to put your pencil down, pick your head up, ask questions and rise above the rest.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

You don’t have to know the answer to every question, and that’s okay. 

People think they need to answer every question right away, especially in our digital age. You don’t have to participate in this form of instant gratification. If you truly don’t know something, it is fine. After all, nobody has all the answers. You just need to know how to use your resources and where to find the answers.

All questions deserve an answer, some just take longer than others. And, certain questions are meant to be answered with another question. It’s all in how you decipher it.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

Knowing direction is, has and always will be important. We can’t, and shouldn’t, simply rely on our cell phones or GPS to always tell us where to go. What if it loses charge?

When Dad first started teaching me direction it was because he wanted me to be able to figure out how to find home if I was ever lost. He would have me memorize road names, landmarks and the direction that the roads ran. It started out simple – grandmas house is West, Telegraph runs North and South, and Detroit is East. 

Once I had a better handle on it my dad would ask me for directions and which way to turn. We used it like a game but I was learning invaluable lessons. When I was hit by a car while riding my bike in 8th grade, the insurance claims adjuster was surprised how well I knew the coordinates – the West side of the street, South side of the school, the van failed to stop at a stop sign driving East. While I may have been beat up and bruised, I was happy in the fact that I knew he wasn’t going to push me around to influence my statement by labeling me as just another mixed up teen.

I knew direction so well that by the time I started driving, I always knew where to go. My dad always had a way to get his point across, and I’m sure glad he taught me.

Love,

Dad

Dear Max,

You only live once. That’s why your mom and I bought the 1957 Chevy today. I hope this car is something you and I can enjoy for many years to come, just like the connection I had with my dad. This car is like having a piece of him back.

The Woodward Dream Cruise, cruising Hines Drive, Autorama and a lot of trips to the Dairy King (yum!) all lie ahead. 

Now I just can’t wait until you’re old enough to drive it – just don’t grow up too fast!

Love,

Daddy

Dear Max, 

The power of time is an amazing thing.  Just as things change and evolve daily, there are constants. By that I mean that not everything changes. 

We change. We age. We get new jobs and have kids. We move. Of everything that changes us, the principles that we learn in the first 20 years of life stay with us and are unchanged. 

Growing up I spent a lot of time with my Grandparents who were born in the nineteen teens. I spent a lot of time with my dad who was born just before the start of WWII, pre-baby boomer era. Growing up around the traditionalists generation has given me a set of principles decades older than even my own generation. 

Your principles will be challenged more every year that you get older. When these challenges arise just listen to your inner self. Your principles guide this thought. Listen to yourself and you’ll always head in the right direction.

 Love, 

 Daddy

Dear Max,

Some people go by the saying “act now and figure it out later.” That works sometimes but you stumble a lot along the way. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s the fact that time is precious. If I wanted you to make a ton of mistakes along the way I wouldn’t write you these letters. Hence, I’m attempting to save you time.

My point is that you shouldn’t go into a situation blindly. You should think about what to do first or better yet, do your homework and know what to do beforehand.

Always think before you act. Whether you have 30 seconds or 30 years, you’ll be glad you spent the time upfront to make the right choice first.

Love,

Daddy